Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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