When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
