New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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