Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
