Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
