I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
