My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
