I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
