haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
