Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
