I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad