all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?