Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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