No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
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She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
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We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.