The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.