i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.