how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
