It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.