I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
