I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"