I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
