You work out of a Hotel?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
babies were throwing up all over the place
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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