...so i touched it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize