my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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