I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
