im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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