Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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