just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
