Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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