This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
