Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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