His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
