you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
