Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
