my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just high enough for therapy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
