i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
