yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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