this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
