Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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