I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
