she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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