I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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