We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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