I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize