i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
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YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
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Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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