And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
