he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
