oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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