i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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