I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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