Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
