is your mom at the bar?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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