I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
