Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i came on her dog
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
