did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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