I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
