My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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