No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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