Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize