toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
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im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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