Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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