I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
