why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
