Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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