When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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