don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
