Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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