What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
