I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
