I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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