and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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