they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize