I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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