I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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