she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
