Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
