I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
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