i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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