Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
