My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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