I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
