i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
