You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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