when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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