I wish I could teleport
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
