I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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