im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
