How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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