So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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