Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
