i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
