I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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