I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
