just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
