Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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