I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
